'Til Debt Do Us Part - Money Tips for a Healthy Marriage

I once heard that there are 4 main pillars to a strong and healthy marriage, and if you and your spouse can agree on these 4 things, you have a much higher probability of a healthy marriage. The 4 pillars are religion, parenting, in-laws, and money. Now, I'm no marriage counselor, but I want to share some of the tips I've learned over the years to help you strengthen your marriage when it comes to money.

I don't want to downplay the importance of any of the other pillars, but I've seen the issues that money cause. In fact, 35% of married couples say that finances are the leading stressor in their relationship (study done by SunTrust Bank in 2015), and unfortunately, financial difficulties and differences are one of the most common causes of divorce in America.

So, how do you prevent financial issues becoming a problem in your marriage? Here's a couple tips for you!

1. Identify Your Roles

More often than not, one of you will be more interested in staying on top of your finances than the other. One is more of a "nerd" while the other is more of a "free spirit." I bet you can't guess which one I am! ;)

The nerd is the one who takes more of an active role in the finances. As you probably guessed - I'm the nerd in our marriage. I'm the one who writes the checks, balances the checkbook, and keeps track of our spending each month. But that does NOT mean that I'm the on that makes all the financial decisions in our family. But by identifying who is taking the more active role in your family's finances, you are setting yourself up for success from the start. By one person paying the bills and managing the spending, there is less of a chance that bills are missed (or paid twice).

PLEASE remember - if you are the nerd, that doesn't give you full authority to make all the decisions and shove it in your spouse's face. Bring up your plan, and LISTEN to your spouse's input. He/She may not have anything to say, but make sure they feel welcome to share their thoughts.

2. Set A Budget

This is one of the main areas where the nerds and free spirits can work together. Work together to see how much money you earn each month, and to make a list of where all your money is going. By having 2 sets of eyes and 2 brains working on this together, you're more likely to cover all your bases. But, I don't expect you to get it perfect on your first try. Usually it takes a couple months tweak and fine tune your budget so it's right.

Before each month begins, you and your spouse need to go over your budget and make sure it covers any upcoming expenses. Maybe one of you will have some type of "extra" expense this month. This is the time to build those in to your monthly budget. For more tips on budgeting, check out my earlier blog post: How to Create (And Stick To) A Budget

3. Join Your Bank Accounts

This is something I can't stress enough. When you get married, two become one. And so does your money. By having all your money in one place, you avoid the arguments of who pays what. You live together in your house, you both eat your food, you both benefit from the utilities. Therefore, you should BOTH be paying for them. If you keep separate accounts, and divide up the expenses, I guarantee, at some point or another, one of you will end up feeling like you have the short end of the stick.

I know some people like to keep their money separate so they don't feel like they need to "justify" some of their spending to their spouse. My advice for that - give each other an allowance. Some of you might laugh, but I'm serious. That way, each of you can use (or save) your allowance as you see fit, and you can use that money to buy WHATEVER you want, without your spouse's approval. If you want to keep your allowance in a separate bank account, go ahead. But all other money should be shared and put in a joint account.

4. Communicate

Money isn't something that should be a secret. Anything that comes up regarding money should be shared knowledge. And if an issue DOES come up, you need to work together WITH your spouse to resolve it. You need to make sure the two of you are on the same page, and you have the same plan.

Having open communication doesn't just mean both of you TALK to each other, but you need to LISTEN to each other. If one of you has a concern, make sure you listen to it instead of just dismissing it.

5. Build A Savings

One of the biggest financial issues arise when something comes up that you can't afford. Maybe one of you lost a job, and now you can't meet all your monthly bills. Or maybe a medical emergency comes up and you can't pay the hospital bill. My final tip is to build a savings to help cover these types of unknowns.

To start out, I would recommend saving 6 months of expenses. Not your INCOME, but expenses. This will ensure that you can continue to meet all your monthly expenses, even if your income were to temporarily stop. This will also help provide a bit of a cushion if you do experience some type of financial hardship in your marriage. Feel free to build an even bigger savings (and I encourage it!), but 6 months should be a minimum.

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So, there you have it - my top 5 tips money tips for a healthier marriage. So take some time with your spouse this week to discuss where you're at with your money. Who's going to be the "nerd"? Do you have a budget in place? Are you building your savings?

What do you find to be the most difficult part of handling money in a marriage? Do you have any other tips you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them! Post them in the comments below!